|
A_Broken_Shadow
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: eu jin
Gender: Male
Interests: Writing, Music, Romance, Dreams, Poetry, Fight Club, Manga/Anime, Games.
Expertise: Helping others, Being Mysterious, Caring, Listening, Contemplation, and not to mention being an idiot.
Occupation: Military
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  eidolondowncast
Member Since:
11/8/2002
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| I never thought I'd look at this anymore, let alone write.
"I have yet again experienced an arc in my life where my heart is in bondage. I am depressed again, and as much as I have become successful in the military, it is not for me. I feel as though an act of nature has struck down with an array of countless invisible shards to pierce down to the very core of my being. Surrounding, enslaving, overwhelming... like an iron maiden, yet I can feel an autonomous aura taking place. As though the world will be shut away, hurting anyone who comes near. As much as I wish for a helping hand, I will not accept it. An ethereal way of life, practically ambivalent against it all as I want and hate severing ties. Let this grave drown out the sorrow."
| | |
| The thought of being shot at, and the thought of shooting at.
Definitely a living in it's own. Not to mention the thrill to live.
Video games ain't got shit over this.
To think is death, to act is getting out of it.
Time slows down, and there's no other way to get this type of adrenaline.
And to be hit, oh God, the burning of flesh. Blood and Thunder.
To think this would be safe was about as the most foolish as it comes.
Let us burn them down before they do.
They say the average human takes about 3000-6000 repetitious motions to have muscle memory take over your thought process as well as your fight or flight panic alarm going off the charts. Breathing out, focusing on your front sights, taking a deep breath, exhaling for that natural respiratory pause, squeezing the trigger ever so controlling, following through, letting the recoil absorb into your shoulder pocket... I cannot recall how many times I've done it, but thank the Heavens I can put bullets on target.
| | |
| So, I've decided to actually sit down and think for more than the 30 seconds it takes me to post like the past year's entries has been. It's really been a long time. Now, where to start...
I guess I could go back and reflect on 2007, with it being near the end and all. ...No pun intended. Let's see, I went through training from August of last year for an entire year. In between I had gone home during New Year's for less than a week, and after completion of training for a little less than 2 weeks. The entire training period felt like forever, but looking back at it now it seems but a distant memory that transpired ages ago. Even now, being attached to this specially evolved command, from Ballistic to Guided Missile class, I still feel as though time is speeding through, with a grueling whiplash to bat.
Back towards the training period... there were memories of pain-staking bullshit, bouts of depression, tedious studying, and endless competition to fairly sum up the entire evolution. Oh, not to mention conflicting communications and hardships from being away from home, and of course walking my own path outside of the military.
With gain comes loss, and loss with gain. I had gained many new experiences, with the fact that I lost my mind at certain points, even nearly crossing that bridge and staring death in his ugly-ass face. Learning how to open up, to party and have fun, to make an ass out of myself to make or break the ice, to know how bad of a wake up call 0500 can be after literally waltzing in and out of college parties around UConn the night before, to know how much people suck at street fighter, to realize and pity all the civilians thinking about joining the military, to learn how to kiss at the right moment, to know that a place where you're required to sign a waiver to eat hot wings that'll have you shitting fire exists, to know how beautiful and small the world is up close, to know what it's like to live something i'd never dream about... To become a strategist, a mentor, a worker, a peon, a colleague, a kindred, a secret, a friend, a mental breakdown, a foolish thinker, an enlightenment, and to a hopeful fresh start. Not in that particular order, mind you. The memories add up so quickly it hurts.
I had made alot of new friends, from all over the country expanding how people can be so similar in the midst of being raised in a chaotic way of life, while still trying to keep in touch with everyone back on the good ol' island. It didn't work out as well as I wanted, which was the point. It was what I wanted, so in the end I just left it that it was a team effort and even though a lot of stories were unspoken, I trust that the people I know back home have the mutual feeling that we're still friends. No ifs, ands, or buts, end of story.
Speaking of friends, there is one person that I can think about and can't help but crack a smile. Throughout my experience in the east coast, this girl I will guarantee that I can grow old and still remember our short time together. Claire, her name matched her personality so well, she is that person that knew how to enjoy life. Mysterious to the point where my questions could last for weeks, yet I could still feel so kindred to her. We met in the middle of nowhere, at least in my eyes I was, being a little intoxicated and all (It's not like that, really... Ok, maybe a little.). I was with a buddy of mine since he was technically my babysitter waiting for our ride back to base (although a little on the tipsy side himself) and we stumbled across these two girls, Claire and her friend, Chloe, so we end up talking to them while waiting for extraction. Next thing I know Chloe and my comrade wander off somewhere, leaving me alone with Claire. Her gaze really sobered me up, I felt like she could read something more in me than my current state. I'd never been stared at with eyes so piercing and yet she was really warm. And still, this was something unexpected of me. We hit it off right at the start, something I thought a bumbling fool like me could never do with first impressions. And was it no way because I was tipsy.
Alright, time to put this off for another time, I'm getting sleepy. Will update more later, lost my train of thought. Surprised I didn't finish writing my reflection... guess a year really did pass.
| | |
| I'll be home soon, but after that i'll be in Hell. For 4 months or so. I guess this is God's punishment.
| | |
|
